Category Archives: National

today’s journal entry

Reading Bob Dylan in America, I remember that Dylan sees around corners. He realized ten years ago that Americans were becoming besotted with virtual reality and that the real mccoy was in danger of becoming quaint, even obsolete.

Sarah Palin

“I will accept Sarah Palin as a candidate for president if she runs from Farmville.”

–Lewis Black

Teens and the Elderly

Nature makes teens and the elderly mean. Otherwise, we would never let them go.

–a grandmother

Today’s Recycled Word: Kittly Benders

Words are falling out of popular use all the time. When was the last time you went pace egging or used a cudgel? The editor of this journal considers it a service to the language to periodically rescue some of these terms from obscurity by recycling them with new meanings.

In this age of video games, we note that no one plays kittly benders any more. Thoreau mentions this 19th century parlor game, but I doubt there is a kittly bender set left in all of Concord or Lexington either for that matter.

So we offer the following new definition for this playful sounding term:

Kittly Benders

The practice of torturing your girlfriend’s cat by twisting it into ballon pretzel shapes and then twisting it back before she gets home.

How to Save Your Local Newspaper

We read that the most frequently used search term for searching the online version of Seattle’s largest newspaper is “horse sex.” The term refers to the sad tale of a Washington man and horse lover who learned the same lesson as Catherine the Great in becoming too friendly with old Sea Biscuit.

However, in this age of search engine optimization and Google Adsense driven media, with newspapers floundering everywhere, there is clearly a message here — perhaps even a way of preventing the newspaper’s seemingly inevitable demise. So here, humbly, are my suggested leads for morning papers around the country that truly want to thrive in the 21st century:

“Sex with Elephants: Do’s, Dont’s and Oh. My. Gods.”

“Kim Kardassian and the Midget Rugby Team: a Lost Weekend Gone Very Wrong”

“Erotic Topiary: Turn Your Tired Shrubs into Big Time Turn Ons”

“How to Score Big in the Barnyard–Hint, Bring a Good Ladder”

Stealing Fire

“Ok, so you stole fire but you lack two things, justice and reverence. Without justice and reverence your stealing fire will be your undoing.”

–Zeus to Prometheus.

So Long, Pinetop

Pinetop Perkins, one of the last original Delta bluesmen, is dead at 97. So long, Pinetop. I was fortunate enough to see you perform before you left. You showed me and the world the gut bucket joy and low down sexual drive that makes the blues a universal art form. You didn’t clean up the blues, but left them in their raw, electric, visceral glory.