I always thought it would be fun
to bowl with President Nixon
in the basement of the White House.
You know, spot the old boy
a few frames,
watch that goofy grin
slide sideways
as I hook one into the pocket
on the last frame,
beat him by seven,
or even let him win
if I was feeling generous that day.
Maybe Pat would watch us,
clap, bring us a cold one,
laugh at his jokes.
Me and Tricky Dick–
basement bowling buddies.
I miss Mr. High Waisted Pants
with the pancake TV makeup
that could never cover
his sweaty upper lip,
telling us he wasn’t a crook.
Cheap thug, hack,
back stabbing, race baiting,
Jew hating,
whining narcissist politician,
sure.
But ol’ Dicky boy, my friend,
you were a fucking liberal choir boy
compared to the venal mafia dons
who run your party now.
Rest easy, Quaker Dick.
You were the last US President
who spent more on social programs
than on defense.
The “Abraham Lincoln of the American Indian,”
father of the EPA,
the Clean Air Act and Earth Day.
Lower your backswing
and keep your hand and wrist
at nine o’clock, old timer.
The Dude would be proud.
–Burl Whitman
