Ask the Biologist

Dear Mr Biologist,

I’m tired of being a hairless wonder. The only hair I have left on my body are pubic hairs. Is there any way I can clone them and transplant them to my head and chin?

–Raging Baldy

Dear ArrrrrB,

Yes! In fact, a new bio-tech company called Chia Pet Yourself will help you do just that! Many people have hairlines that have retreated to where the sun don’t shine. CPY’s clone and transplant technology will turn that retreat around so you can be as furry as you like. Their special packages include the Grizzly Adams, the Body Beaver and Pubes Gone Wild. Your friends won’t even recognize you! If you’ve had trouble with dogs wanting to sniff your crotch you may want to stay away from dog parks afterwards.

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