The United States of Newt

Every time the great gaseous, blimp-like ship of state known as Newt Gingrich careens into another election port, everyone runs to watch with horror and fascination. Surely this time the rolling gasbag will explode and go up in a fiery ball of overheated bombast. Yet somehow the SS Newt manages to avoid self immolation and lumbers on, a one-man Macy’s parade in search of a new main street to flounder down.

Newt is the Ron Jeremy of politics. An aging political porn star who has screwed an entire nation, he now must fall back on his talent for auto-fellation. For the electorate, It is too grotesque to watch and too freakish to look away.

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